You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
