good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
