Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
