I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Your cock deserves a montage
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
