The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
