I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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