I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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