i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
please don't ironically join a cult
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