Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
