Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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