don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
