Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
