i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
