apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
