I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
