I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
even my farts smell like vagina
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
