i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
