Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
