WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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