I got chris browned last night
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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