You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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