oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
