the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Panties = found
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
