my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
