i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
