If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
