Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
