so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
