Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
