White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
