apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
