dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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