I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
