what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
