You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
