No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
