Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
