I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
