And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
