You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
