I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pants are for mortals
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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