I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
