i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
