sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
