We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
