I wish I only lived at night.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
