just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
