Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
