JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
