So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
