Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
