Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize