I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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