Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
