um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize