i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
