A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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