I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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