somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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