weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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