We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
