If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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