We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
