Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
