My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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