I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
