They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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