Quick, to the slutcave!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
