the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
