Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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