took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
