i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
