Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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