Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize