They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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